Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
