sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
