from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
