oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
