so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
