Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
