Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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