his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
