I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
