dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
