His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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