i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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