..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize