You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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