I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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