HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
