just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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