i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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