Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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