Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
