Buhtt sex?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
