I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So squirting runs in the family.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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