This house was built for laser tag.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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