i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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