Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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