Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
