i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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