So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
