just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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