I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
