A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize