Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yo dont text me then not text me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am one with the molecules
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize