I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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