You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
