i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
