everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
