Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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