The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
