i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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