Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
