this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
