sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize