I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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