really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
did you just send me my own nude
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
