I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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