girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
