I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize