Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
