I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
