Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I skipped work to stalk him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
