That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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