I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
