put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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