I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
