Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
