I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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