You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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