He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
pray to the hookup gods
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
