and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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