The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
