4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
