No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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