is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Your cock deserves a montage
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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