whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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