no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
