Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found your dick twin last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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